Introduction
Suicide is a horrible topic to be discussing. But it needs to be. The act of Suicide is often misunderstood, judged, and stigmatised. Many people view it as a selfish, dramatic, or attention-seeking act. Still, this perspective fails to grasp the profound pain and suffering that accompany the ruminating thoughts and intense feelings of people going through suicidal ideation. The stigma and judgment surrounding suicide prevent the actual truth from coming forward, and this in itself costs lives. These misconceptions fail to recognise the profound brain changes and immense struggles that individuals face, often in isolation.
Research shows that depression and PTSD cause significant changes in the brain, affecting how a person thinks, feels, and behaves. These changes can make it incredibly difficult to manage emotions and thoughts, leading to a constant state of abnormally high distress. The prefrontal cortex, responsible for decision-making and regulating emotions, often shows reduced activity in individuals with depression, making it hard to think clearly and manage emotions effectively. The hippocampus, involved in forming new memories, can shrink in size, leading to memory problems and difficulty concentrating.
For those with PTSD, the amygdala, the brain's fear center, becomes overactive, causing a person to be constantly on alert, even when there is no immediate danger. The prefrontal cortex, which helps regulate the amygdala, often becomes less active, making it harder to control fear responses. The hippocampus can also be affected, leading to difficulties in distinguishing between past and present threats.
Intense feelings of isolation accompany these brain changes, as individuals often try to manage their struggles alone. The stigma and judgment they face only add to their burden, making it even harder to reach out for help. It's crucial to understand that mental health struggles are not a choice, and those affected need support, not judgment.
This blog aims to shed light on the reality of living with chronic mental health issues and the impact of societal stigma.
My journey
For nearly five decades, I have contended with Complex Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD) and severe long-term depression. Throughout this journey, I have faced sideways glances, whispers behind my back, and the rejection of friendships, romantic relationships, family members, and work opportunities. I have endured name-calling, put-downs, and at times, outright abuse. Recently, I experienced another relapse that culminated in the worst way it ever has before. Although I was found alive after five days, the emotional, mental, physical, and spiritual toll has been immense. This episode has further strengthened my resolve to share my story and challenge the misconceptions surrounding suicide.
The Stigma of Selfishness, Drama Queen, and Attention-Seeking
One of the most debilitating misconceptions is that suicide is a selfish, attention-seeking, or dramatic act. These judgments are not only deeply hurtful but also entirely untrue, especially in my lived experience. For decades, I've stayed alive for the sake of others, enduring immense pain and battling harmful thoughts daily. People must understand that this is not a choice at all.
Labeling someone as attention-seeking or dramatic only adds to the burden of those already suffering. It dismisses the genuine and profound pain that individuals with mental health conditions experience. Instead of judgment, what is needed is empathy, understanding, and support. The stigma surrounding mental health conditions strips away my ability to get well. It creates an environment where reaching out for help feels impossible, and the isolation only deepens the struggle.
Living with CPTSD and depression is a constant battle. The pain is not just emotional but can manifest physically, making everyday tasks feel insurmountable. The decision to continue living is often driven by a sense of duty to loved ones, rather than a desire to endure ongoing suffering. The emotional pain of CPTSD and depression can be overwhelming. It can feel like a heavy weight that never lifts, making it difficult to find joy or motivation. This emotional burden often translates into physical symptoms, such as chronic fatigue, headaches, and muscle pain. These physical manifestations can make even the simplest tasks, like getting out of bed or taking a shower, feel like monumental challenges.
For many, the desire for relief from relentless pain can feel like the only option. It is not a choice; it is a desperate attempt to escape unbearable suffering, often occurring when critical parts of the brain have shut down, leaving individuals debilitated and unable to think normally. Imagine telling someone with cancer that they are selfish for wanting their pain to end. Or blaming someone with a broken leg for not being able to walk. Just as these physical ailments are not a choice, neither are mental health struggles. The pain is real, and the desire for relief is a natural human response.
The Impact on Daily Life
Daily life activities can be profoundly affected by these conditions. Simple tasks such as getting out of bed, maintaining personal hygiene, or preparing meals can become monumental challenges. The effort required to perform these basic activities can feel insurmountable, leading to a sense of helplessness and frustration.
Concentration and memory issues are common, making it difficult to perform at work or school. This can result in missed deadlines, forgotten tasks, and a general decline in productivity. The inability to keep up with responsibilities can lead to further isolation and a sense of failure, exacerbating the symptoms of depression and PTSD.
Social interactions can be overwhelming, causing individuals to withdraw from friends and family. The fear of judgment, rejection, or misunderstanding can make it easier to avoid social situations altogether. This withdrawal can lead to loneliness and a lack of support, which are crucial for mental health recovery.
The constant battle with negative thoughts and emotions can drain one's energy and motivation. Activities that once brought joy and fulfillment may no longer hold the same appeal. Hobbies, interests, work and passions can fall by the wayside, leaving a void that is difficult to fill.
Understanding and empathy are crucial in supporting those with mental health conditions. I have experienced judgment on this occasion, even from individuals I never expected it from, which has made me very sad and has made my journey even harder. I am sick to death of apologising for something I have no control over.
By sharing my story, I hope to shed light on the realities of living with CPTSD and depression and to encourage a more compassionate and informed perspective on mental health.
The Frequency and Severity of Suicide Attempts
Understanding the frequency and severity of suicide attempts is crucial in recognising the gravity of mental health struggles. Research indicates that individuals who have made a suicide attempt are at a significantly higher risk of eventually completing suicide. Studies show that the risk of suicide is nearly 60% higher than previously reported when considering individuals making their first lifetime attempts.
This underscores the importance of early intervention and support. When someone makes a suicide attempt, it is a clear indication that they are not in a good or healthy state of mind, are in immense pain, and need help. Rather than judging or stigmatising them, it is vital to approach them with empathy and understanding. Recognising the signs and offering support can make a significant difference in their recovery journey.
In New Zealand, the Ministry of Health and the Chief Coroner provide detailed statistics on suicide. For example, in the 2021/22 financial year, 538 people died of suspected suicide. These figures underscore the importance of understanding and addressing the factors that contribute to both suicide attempts and completions. To put it in perspective, this means that for every 10,000 people, just over one person is affected by suicide. These figures highlight the critical need for understanding and addressing the factors that contribute to both suicide attempts and completions.
I know three people whom I loved dearly, who took their own lives, and I understand why that happened. I love them even more because I know how strong they were to endure what they did. Oneof those people had two previous suicide attempts before her final, fatal attempt. A coroner's investigation was conducted and a daming report was released in 2013 heavily criticising the handling of her care. In conversation with someone at the time, the person said to me "She had a child, what a selfish bitch." That comment was from one of the closest people to me. I will never forget it, it stopped me from reaching out on many occasions.
The Importance of Investigating Suicide Attempts
When I was missing, by day three, the police conducted an in-depth interview with a very close friend, not the same one mentioned above. This process was crucial in understanding my state of mind at the time. The information gathered during these interviews is taken very seriously and is used to provide a clear picture of the circumstances leading up to the event.
During the interview, my friend was asked about my recent behavior, emotional state, and any significant events that might have contributed to my disappearance. They were also questioned about my support network, coping mechanisms, and any previous mental health struggles. This comprehensive approach helped the authorities piece together a timeline of my actions and thoughts leading up to the incident.
The insights provided by my friend were invaluable in understanding the severity of my condition and the factors that may have triggered my relapse. This information not only guided the search efforts but also informed the subsequent medical and psychological care I received. It highlighted the importance of having a strong support system and the role that close friends and family play in recognising and addressing mental health crises.
The Role of the Police and Coroner
The police play a vital role in gathering information from those closest to the individual. They ask detailed questions to understand the person's mental state, recent behaviors, and any potential triggers. This information is then passed on to the coroner, who is responsible for investigating the cause of death.
The coroner's investigation, or inquest, aims to determine the facts surrounding the incident. This includes understanding the individual's mental health history, the events leading up to the attempt, and any contributing factors. The goal is to provide a comprehensive understanding of the situation, which can help in preventing future incidents and addressing the underlying issues.
By sharing this experience, I hope to emphasize the significance of early intervention and the need for open communication about mental health. Understanding the warning signs and seeking help can make a crucial difference in preventing similar situations in the future.
By sharing this experience, I hope to emphasize the significance of early intervention and the need for open communication about mental health. Understanding the warning signs and seeking help can make a crucial difference in preventing similar situations in the future.
The Struggle for Effective Treatment
One of the hardest parts of this journey has been the realization that mental health is still not treated with the urgency and care it deserves. For me, this is a lifelong struggle. Over the years, I have taken all the different things I've learned and gradually refined them into a perspective that works for me. It's a combination of various approaches, but I would say that, first and foremost, without support and resources, it is incredibly challenging to stay alive and not be in that degree of suffering.
Throughout my journey, I have sought various forms of help to manage my mental health. I have engaged with psychiatrists, psychologists, counselors, and hypnotherapists. I have participated in personal development courses, changed my diet, exercised regularly, and reached out to mental health services for support and respite care. Each of these steps has been part of a long and arduous journey, and despite all the effort, the results have often felt elusive. I have spent probably around $100,000 over the years on these treatments and therapies.
Each time I become unwell and relapse, I feel an overwhelming sense of failure. I question why I can't get it right and why I can't maintain my progress. This feeling of failure is one of the most horrible aspects of my struggle. It is a constant reminder of the challenges I face and the relentless nature of my condition.
The struggle for effective treatment is compounded by the stigma and misunderstanding surrounding mental health. It is not just about finding the right combination of therapies and support; it is also about battling the societal perceptions that can make it even harder to seek help. The lack of understanding and empathy from others can be a significant barrier to recovery.
Moreover, the inconsistency in the availability and quality of mental health services can be frustrating. Access to care can vary greatly depending on location, financial resources, and other factors. This inconsistency can lead to feelings of hopelessness and despair, as it often feels like a never-ending search for the right support.
Despite these challenges, I remain committed to my journey of staying alive. I continue to seek out new approaches and refine my strategies for managing my mental health. I am stronger than I know.
Barriers to Reaching Out for Help
Despite the importance of seeking help, many individuals struggling with suicidal thoughts find it difficult to reach out. Several factors contribute to this hesitation:
Lack of Understanding: People often feel that others won't understand their struggles, leading to feelings of isolation.
Fear of Judgment: The stigma surrounding mental health can make individuals fear being judged or labeled.
Not Wanting to Burden Others: Many believe that their problems will burden their loved ones, so they choose to suffer in silence.
Belief That Others Would Be Happier Without Them: Some individuals think that their presence causes more harm than good, leading them to withdraw.
Inability to Think Clearly: Mental health crises can cloud judgment and make it difficult to see a way out or to seek help.
Personal Barriers: For me, I stopped reaching out for the following reasons: people's lack of understanding, fear of judgment, my brain shutting down like a tunnel, not wanting to burden others, believing others would be happier without this roller coaster of mine, and an inability to think clearly.
Statistics on Help-Seeking Behavior in New Zealand
Research shows that a significant number of people in New Zealand do not seek help for their mental health issues. According to the New Zealand Health Survey, about 20% of New Zealanders experience mental health challenges, but many do not seek professional help. The reasons for not receiving needed services include:
Self-Reliance: Some individuals believe they can handle the problem without treatment.
Lack of Knowledge: Others do not know where to go for services.
Time Constraints: Some report not having enough time to seek help.
The Mental Health and Addiction Inquiry report highlights that New Zealand is experiencing a rising tide of mental distress and addiction. The cost of poor mental well-being and addiction is high, affecting individuals, families, businesses, and communities. There are clear links between social deprivation, trauma, exclusion, and increasing levels of mental distress. Factors such as income inequality, child poverty, homelessness, unemployment, and family violence contribute to the mental health crisis.
The Mental Distress and Discrimination report by Te Hiringa Hauora/Health Promotion Agency found that almost one-third of people in New Zealand have a personal experience of mental distress. Mental distress-related discrimination impacts people's ability to contribute and participate in society. Over one-third of people currently experiencing high mental distress and almost one-fifth of people who had experienced mental distress during their lifetime report being discriminated against because of their mental distress. This discrimination is most commonly experienced in the workplace and among family/whānau or friends. (I can relate to that last sentence.)
Understanding these barriers and the broader context of mental health in New Zealand is needed in addressing the mental health crisis and encouraging more people to seek the help they need.
Gender-Specific Stigma and Judgment
There is a pervasive stereotype that women are "crazy" or overly emotional, which can lead to their struggles being dismissed or misunderstood. This gender issue impacts women's ability to be seen in the correct light and receive the support they need.
For example, women may be more likely to be labeled as "hysterical" or "overreacting" when they express their emotions, while men might be seen as "strong" or "stoic" for suppressing theirs. This double standard can discourage women from seeking help and exacerbate their feelings of isolation and helplessness.
Acknowledging Those Who Suffer
This blog is dedicated to the beautiful, bright-eyed, bubbly, funny, and super-loving Megan. Good god, I miss you so much. You were an amazingly strong and incredibly intelligent woman. You taught me so much. I also dedicate this to all those who are still suffering. It's for those who have fought tirelessly against their mental health struggles and for those who continue to battle every day.
We are not selfish; we are suffering. We are enduring immense pain and doing our best to survive.
To those who have lost their lives to suicide, your pain and struggles are not forgotten. Your experiences highlight the urgent need for understanding, compassion, and better mental health support. To those who are still fighting, know that your strength and resilience are seen and valued. Your journey is not in vain, and your voice matters.
Conclusion
Suicide is a complex and deeply personal issue. It's time to move beyond the simplistic and harmful labels of selfishness and instead focus on empathy and education. By understanding the true nature of mental health struggles, we can create a more supportive and compassionate society.
What we need, and what each individual needs may differ, but there are some universal basics. Listen to us. Show us you care. Reach out to us. For the love of all that is good, do not give us the silent treatment—that is utterly cruel.
Even if you don't understand, tell us that you don't understand but that you'll try to support us. We know more than you realise that we have to be careful with what we burden you with. We are very mindful of that, so we are not expecting you to drop your lives for us. But please, when a crisis presents itself, do not be angry at us and stop talking to us.
Call to Action
Educate each other to break the stigma surrounding mental health. Educate yourself and others about the realities of mental health conditions. Offer your support and understanding to those who are struggling. Advocate for better mental health resources and services in your community. By taking these steps, we can create a more kinder and supportive environment for everyone.
Brain Comparisons
Non-Depressed Brain (Lit Up More): This image shows a brain with increased activity in various regions, indicated by brighter areas. These lit-up areas often correspond to heightened neural activity, reflecting a healthy and active brain. The increased activity might be seen in regions like the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and cognitive functions.
Depressed Brain (Not as Lit Up): This image depicts a brain with less activity in specific regions, shown by darker areas. Reduced neural activity can be linked to symptoms of depression, such as lack of motivation, decreased pleasure in activities, and overall low energy. The diminished activity might be observed in areas like the prefrontal cortex, which can affect cognitive functions and emotional regulation.
PTSD Brain (Left, More Yellow): This image shows a brain with less activity in specific regions, indicated by darker areas. Reduced neural activity can be linked to symptoms of PTSD, such as hypervigilance, flashbacks, and emotional numbness. The diminished activity might be observed in areas like the hippocampus, which is involved in memory processing, and the amygdala, which plays a role in emotional responses.
Non-PTSD Brain (Right, More Green): This image depicts a brain with increased activity in various regions, indicated by brighter areas. These lit-up areas often correspond to heightened neural activity, reflecting a healthy and active brain. The increased activity might be seen in regions like the prefrontal cortex, which is responsible for decision-making, emotional regulation, and cognitive functions.
More on PTSD https://neurosciencenews.com/ptsd-treatments-7108/
More on Depression https://drtmstherapy.com/how-does-depression-affect-the-brain/
"Living with the weight of invisible pain, every breath feels like a battle. It's not about wanting to die, but about desperately seeking relief from the relentless storm within."
Adele Sterling
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